-
When they are
alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each
other.
-
If being chased
through town, you can usually take cover in a passing
parade - at any time of year.
-
All beds have
special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the
armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level
on the man lying beside her.
-
The Chief of
Police will almost always suspend his (sic) star detective
- or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
-
A police detective
can only solve a case after he has been suspended
from duty.
-
All grocery
bags contain at least one baguette.
-
It's easy for
anyone to land a plane providing there is someone
to talk you down.
-
During all
police investigations, it will be necessary to visit
a strip club at least once.
-
The ventilation
system of any building is the perfect hiding place
- no one will ever think of looking for you in there
and you can travel to any other part of the building
undetected.
-
The Eiffel
Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
-
All bombs are
fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they are going to
go off.
-
You are very
likely to survive any battle in any war unless you
make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your
sweetheart back home.
-
Should you
wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it
will not be necessary to speak the language - a German
accent will do.
-
A man will
show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating
but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
-
When paying
for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take
out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over.
It will always be the exact fare.
-
If staying
in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises in their most revealing underwear.
-
Mothers routinely
cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their families every
morning even though their husbands and children never
have time to eat it.
-
Cars that crash
will almost always burst into flames.
-
All telephone
numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
-
A single match
will be sufficient to light up a room the size of
RFK stadium.
-
Medieval peasants
had perfect teeth.
-
Any person
waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and
pant.
-
It is not necessary
to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone
conversations.
-
Even when driving
down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to
turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every
few moments.
-
It is always
possible to park directly outside the building you
are visiting.
-
It does not
matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack
you one by one by dancing around in a threatening
manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
-
When a person
is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they
will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
-
No one ever
involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic
eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
-
Once applied,
lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
-
You can always
find a chainsaw when you need one.
-
Any lock can
be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds
unless it's the door to a burning building with a
child trapped inside.
-
Television
news bulletins usually contain a story that affects
you personally at the precise moment that they are
aired.
-
No matter what
the person(s) in the movie do for a living, everyone
has a beautifully furnished, clean home, a new vehicle
and a well-to-do wardrobe.
-
Everyone has
a well-stocked liquor cabinet. The ice never seems
to melt. It's just always there.
-
If someone
says, "I'll be right back." they won't.
- If you decide to start dancing
in the street, everyone around you will be able to mirror
all the steps you come up with, and hear the music in
your head.
- Police departments give their
officers personality tests to make sure each is assigned
a partner who is their total opposite.
- Large, loft apartments in New
York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the
tenants are unemployed.
- One of a pair of identical
twins is evil.
- Should you decide to defuse
a bomb, don't worry about which wire to cut. You will
always choose the right one.
- When you turn out the light
to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still
be clearly visible but slightly blue.
- If you are blonde and pretty,
it is possible to be a world-famous expert on nuclear
fission, dinosaurs, hieroglyphics, or anything else,
at the age of 22.
- Honest and hard-working policemen
are usually gunned down a day or two before retirement.
- Rather than wasting bullets,
megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies using complex
machinery involving fuses, deadly gasses, lasers, buzz
saws and hungry sharks, all of which will give their
captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
- During all crime investigations,
it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
- It's easy to land a plane,
providing there is someone in the control tower to talk
you down.
- If you are beautiful, your
makeup never rubs off, even while scuba-diving or fighting
aliens. However if you are overweight, your mascara
will run and your lipstick will smear.
