Have you ever noticed? Anybody going
slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster
than you is a maniac.
The reason most people play golf
is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in
otherwise.
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Anytime four New Yorkers get into
a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just
taken place.
I voted for the Democrats because
I didn't like the way the Republicans were running.
Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in
the head to stop your headache.
I have six locks on my door all in
a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure
no matter how long somebody stands there picking the
locks, they are always locking three.
Ever wonder if illiterate people
get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I had a linguistics professor who
said that it's man'sability to use language that makes
him the dominant species on the planet.
That may be. But I think there's one other thing that
separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum
cleaners.
The statistics on sanity are that
one out of every four Americans is suffering from some
form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends.
If they are OK, then it's you.
I always wanted to be somebody, but
I should have been more specific.
Why does Sea World have a seafood
restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I
realize, "Oh no ... I could be eating a slow learner."
