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Microsoft Cars
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At
a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared
the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer
industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar
cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response
to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating(by Mr Welch himself): If GM had developed technology
like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following
characteristics:
- For no reason whatsoever your car
would crash twice a day.
- Every time they repainted the lines
on the road you would have to buy a new car.
- Occasionally your car would die on
the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept
this, restart and drive on.
- Occasionally, executing a maneuver
such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down
and refuse to restart, in which case you would have
to reinstall the engine.
- Only one person at a time could use
the car, unless you bought"Car95" or "CarNT."
But then you would have to buy more seats.
- Macintosh would make a car that was
powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and
twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per
cent of the roads.
- The oil, water temperature and alternator
warning lights would be replaced by a single "general
car default" warning light.
- New seats would force everyone to
have the same size butt.
- The airbag system would say "Are
you sure?" before going off.
- Occasionally, and for no reason whatsoever,
your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in
until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned
the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
- GM would require all car buyers to
also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps
(now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need
them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option
would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish
by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for
investigation by the Justice Department.
- Everytime GM introduced a new model
car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over
again because none of the controls would operate in
the same manner as the old car.
- You'd press the "start"
button to shut off the engine.

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