The principal singer of nineteenth
century opera was called pre-Madonna.
Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.
All female parts were sung by castrati.
We don't know exactly what they sounded like because
there are no known descendants.
Young scholars have expressed their
rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon,
Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite,
and Gershwin's Rap City in Blue.
Music sung by two people at the same
time is called a duel; if they sing without music it
is called Acapulco.
A virtuoso is a musician with real
high morals.
Diatonic is a low calorie Schweppes.
Probably the most marvellous fugue
was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys.
A harp is a nude piano.
The correct way to find the key to
a piece of music is to use a pitchfork.
I know what a sextet is but I'd rather
not say.
Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great
many musical compositions and had a large number of
children. In between he practised on an old spinster
which he kept up in his attic.
THESE ARE ACTUAL
EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS:
Charles Darwin was a naturalist who
wrote the organ of the species.
Benjamin Franklin produced electricity
by rubbing cats backwards.
The theory of evolution was greatly
objected to because it made man think.
Three kinds of blood vessels are
arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
The process of turning steam back
into water again is called conversation.
The Earth makes one resolution every
24 hours.
To collect fumes of sulfur, hold
a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
Algebraical symbols are used when
you do not know what you are talking about.
The pistol of a flower is its only
protection against insects.
Dew is formed on leaves when the
sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
A super-saturated solution is one
that holds more than it can hold.
A triangle which has an angle of
135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
When you haven't got enough iodine
in your blood you get a glacier.
For fractures: to see if the limb
is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
To remove dust from the eye, pull
the eye down over the nose.
For asphyxiation: apply artificial
respiration until the patient is dead.
When you smell an odorless gas, it
is probably carbon monoxide.
Miscellaneous:
"When
you're in a committed relationship and spend all of
your time with one person, that's called being magnanimous."
